Some Anniversaries Feel Different

Today marks another year since my baby brother, Corey, left this world.

Every year this day arrives, and every year I expect the same emotions to come rushing back. The sadness. The anger. The questions that never really get answered. The ache that settles into places inside of you that time never quite reaches.

But this year feels different.

The emotions are all still here, but they feel different somehow. Not lighter. Not heavier. Just different.

And if I'm being honest, I can't quite put my finger on why.

Maybe that's the thing about grief, especially grief after suicide. It doesn't follow rules. It doesn't move in straight lines. Some anniversaries feel unbearable. Some feel strangely quiet. Some years the weight feels impossible to carry, and other years it sits beside you more gently, reminding you that love and loss can exist together.

For those who have lost someone you love, especially to suicide, I want you to know this:

There is no right way to grieve.

There is no timeline.

There is no "you should be over this by now."

There will be years when the loss feels as fresh as the day it happened, and there will be years when you catch yourself smiling at memories more than crying over them. There will be moments when the grief sneaks up on you in the grocery store, in a song on the radio, or in the middle of an ordinary Tuesday afternoon.

All of it is normal.

All of it is love with nowhere to go.

This anniversary also feels different because life itself looks so different than it did a year ago.

Over the last year, and especially over the last nine months, so much has changed.

Losing all of our store locations after the Painted Tree bankruptcy was devastating in ways I wasn't prepared for. It wasn't just losing retail space. It was losing a place where conversations happened. A place where stories were shared. A place where people felt safe enough to say, "Me too."

For me, 7 Semicolon Couture has never been about clothing, jewelry, gifts, or home décor.

It has always been about people.

It has always been about Corey.

It has always been about creating a space where someone struggling in silence might feel seen for the first time.

Closing those doors felt like losing another piece of that mission.

But I don't believe the mission ended.

I believe God simply closed one chapter to prepare another.

I don't know what that next chapter looks like yet, and if I'm being completely honest, that uncertainty has been heavy.

There are days I am exhausted.

There are days the emptiness feels overwhelming.

There are days when I am tired of carrying what feels like the weight of the world on my shoulders and trying to figure it all out alone.

And if I am being truthful, there are days I wish I didn't have to feel the pain of all of this at all.

Not because I want to leave this world, but because grief is heavy.

Loss is heavy.

Disappointment is heavy.

Watching dreams change direction is heavy.

And sometimes being the strong one for everyone else is heavy too.

But even on those days, I keep praying.

I keep trusting.

I keep believing that God has not brought me this far to leave me here.

I believe He has something bigger planned for 7 Semicolon Couture than I can currently see.

I believe He is creating bigger opportunities to give back, to serve the community, to share our story, and to continue our mission to End the Stigma surrounding mental health and suicide.

And I believe that one day, all of these years of heartbreak, loss, setbacks, and unanswered questions will make sense in ways I cannot understand today.

So today I miss my brother.

I miss his laugh.

I miss his birthday celebrations that somehow lasted the entire month of July.

I miss the conversations we never got to have and the memories we never got to make.

But more than anything, I carry forward the reason this mission began in the first place.

Because Corey mattered.

Because every life matters.

Because every conversation matters.

And because as long as I have breath in my lungs, I will continue fighting to make sure fewer families have to experience this kind of loss.

If today feels heavy for you too, please know you are not alone.

Keep going.

Keep talking.

Keep reaching out.

Your story isn't over yet.

And neither is mine.

#EndTheStigma
#SuicidePrevention
#7SemicolonCouture
#YourStoryIsNotOver